My Sails Are Setting Due West, Away From the Isle of the Boy

So I've decided to stay single. So much of me wants to get back with...no, no, not Paul. But with my boyfriend. Why? Because I like showing up, and leaving places with the same person. I like laying in bed talking about people that we think are stupid. I like having my hair played with. I like having someone to cook for. This is what a boyfriend does. And I'm beginning to realize that I like this boyfriend role, and I'm also beginning to realize that many people can fill the role, but not necessarily in a way that ACTUALLY makes me happy. They can do the duties and have the title, but that role is so much more. Let's start by eliminating the terminology 'boyfriend'. That sounds too much like we're 13. I like the term 'partner' so much better. On Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David was talking to a lesbian and was like, "oh wow, you have a partner, that must be nice, I have a wife. She's more like an enemy." And that pretty much says it all. You don't have to be gay to have a partner. Everyone should be looking for a partner in a significant other. I'm soon going to give my list of what makes someone compatible into this category, but lets start off by saying that if they don't make the cut as being 'partner' worthy, then you may not be with them for the right reasons, no matter how much you try to convince yourself of the fact. It might just be lust. You might just be lonely. You might just like laying in bed talking about people that you both think are stupid. Or having your hair played with. Or cooking for someone. So get a friend. Buy a hair brush. And join a dinner club.
Katie's list of what makes a good partner:

#1 They think of you before themselves, or at least parallel to themselves.
If you're partner is making a sandwich, and you're in the next room, it should cross their mind that you might like a sandwich too, and that they should probably ask you.

#2 You're partner should be able to recognize that you think of them before/parallel to yourself. They should be grateful for this fact, and want to return the favor.
If my partner is making a sandwich, and asks me if I would like one as well. I am thankful. I remember that effort. And I think, "When I am making breakfast tomorrow, I will make extra eggs, because wouldn't that be a nice thing for them to wake up to."
Reciprocity, people.

#3 Despite their flaws, you should think that this person in your life is a good person that cares about people. You should look up to your partner. A role model of sorts.
If I am with someone who embarasses me with how they deal with people, this is bad. If I know that many of this person's closest friends think that they are a generally selfish person, with little to give in the way of benifiting the well being of others, this is bad.

#4 A partner should make you feel like a better person, or at least make you strive to become the best you that you can be.

#5 A partner always takes your side, even when you're wrong.
I'm not saying that they need to be a dribbling lap dog, hanging on your ever word, but they should always be on your team. Let's talk basketball. The Suns are playing the Lakers. A Suns player punches a Laker in the face for no real reason, except for the fact that he has a bad temper and is having an even worse day. The Suns player was wrong. Everyone is telling him he's wrong. But if his teammates were to go to the ref and be like, fuck this guy, kick him outta the game ref," no one would know what to make of that. The rest of the Suns team should maybe pull the offending Suns player off of the dude, while simultaneously yelling insults about that particular Laker's player, specifically about how fat his mamma is.

#6 They will do things that maybe they don't want to do, but they know that you want to do it.

#7 They will want to surprise you. However. In whatever capacity.

#8 They will make it clear that they want you're company. That things are more exciting and tolerable with you there.

I don't have the stamina to go on, but this is what I've learned. I know that I don't want to get married. But I also know that I'm done playing with boyfriends. This is a post for me to go back to and check off whenever I'm waivering about my current state, or whatever future peons come my way. I may be off base, but it's not a bad reference sheet just in case...you know...you need a reference sheet about this sort of thing.
Above all else, know that you're allowed to have standards, demands, and needs. It sounds super awfully cheesy, but no one knows what anyone else wants, really. We don't even know what WE want half the time, but we have a pretty good idea generally. So let's say you have just this one life, and your vague assumptions of what will fulfill you. You deserve to at least try and get what you want. You might not. And we might be happier settling for numbers 2,4 and 8 but letting the rest slide because it's easier and warm and comfortable and you like to have my hair played with. But growing is supposed to hurt.

BUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTBUTUTBUT

I must also remember that this partner is a person too. Not my magical model of perfection. Whoever this person may be in the world, I must allow them to fuck up. Because I would hope that they would do the same for me.